Grab the tissues, it’s time to get weepy over the latest batch of Christmas adverts.
Here, the 2017 festive offerings are reviewed by our very literal monthly newsletter, BOB.
Lidl – Cavelier Carver
Woah woah woah. The first thing I’m thinking watching this is, where’s the regard for health and safety?!
This dad’s swinging around an electric meat carver like nobody’s business and does he have the correct PPE? Not on your nelly.
He wouldn’t be allowed on any site that I know of and with good reason. We’re one misjudged swing away from a festive bloodbath, here.
Aldi – Kevin the Carrot returns
If there’s one thing that you think of when someone says “Christmas”, it’s almost definitely a carrot. Oh wait.
Well, Aldi seems to have deemed carrots sufficiently festive for two of the little orange blighters to star in its Christmas ad this year.
That’s right, Kevin the Carrot is back, and he’s solving a gingerbread murder on a midnight express train… for some reason.
M&S – Paddington and #LoveTheBear
Paddington Bear, a beloved childhood institution, aiding and abetting a hardened criminal? You’ll have to excuse me for spitting my brew out after seeing this one.
You could argue that Paddington is so overwhelmed by Christmas spirit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. But that doesn’t quite fly with us.
No matter whether Paddington knew he was helping this scourge on society or not, we reckon he’s very lucky. Interrupting a burglar at work can end up very badly indeed.
John Lewis’ Moz the Monster
Right, just what’s going on here? There’s this super cute kid who can’t sleep, probably because there’s a great big monster hiding under his bed.
It only comes out when mum and dad aren’t there, and leaves suspicious packages around for the kid to find.
Whether this monster is up to no good or not, this seems like a classic case of under-parenting to me. I mean, who doesn’t notice their kid dancing round their bedroom all night then falling asleep in the barber’s?
This one didn’t have me weeping, it made me think Supernanny needs to get on the case!
In this heartwarming tale, a trade is plagued by a hairy bloke under his bed. However, a beautiful, nocturnal friendship blossoms between the pair, meaning our protagonist gets a little bit sleepy on-site. Plus he’s been working too, hard, bless him.
Luckily, the weird hairy bloke under the bed knows just what to do. He leaves a crudely wrapped package under the tree containing something to help lighten the load…
You can pick up your #BozTheBuilder cuddly toy here: www.jewsontradeguide.co.uk
Oh wait, no. We meant the Jewson Tool Guide. Our mistake.